When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize