i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
