Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
