i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
