She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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