the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
