In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i barfeds in our rink
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
