my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
