So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
