Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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