it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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