my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
