I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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