Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
