That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
