she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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