Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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