Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
