this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
