Got a toothbrush?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Someone came in the potted fern
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
