I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
