My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
