no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I checked into jail on foursquare
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
