The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
