Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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