My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
