is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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