Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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