I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
