You're a womanizer and a bitch.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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