Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
