I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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