franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
