Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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