If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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