smell my finger.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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