Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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