well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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