Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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