you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
