3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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