found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
