oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
