It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
