I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
