Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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