At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
he's single and there are thong briefs.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize