Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
