Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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