New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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