Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
