I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
