Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
a search helicopter?!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
