Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
nutella sex= disaster
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
