You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
