I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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