I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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