anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
