Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
