I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
