Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
