i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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